On Pride

It's a stream of consciousness rant, but let's talk about why we need Pride Month.

I have a pair of friends here locally we've known for over a decade. Good people, kind people, folks we have seen through a few tragedies and been there for them. Bailed them out of a jam more than once. Showed them that trans people struggle, but that, just like them, we're good people.

Their eldest daughter first went lesbian, then transitioned to become their eldest son. We were there for them, son and parents alike, to explain, hold space, be there to answer questions and demystify it all.

Then came 2024, and the parents voted for Trump. Not their trans son, but the parents and the youngest daughter and her family all cast their vote for fascism.

The excuse was, "I can't afford gas and groceries anymore."

This is coming from people who are NOT AT ALL hurting for money, and they are not someone who has ever had to put groceries on a credit card because they didn't have money in the bank. Upper middle class empty nesters- kids out of college by this point.

It's been 2 years since I got a text from the husband that was innocuous on his part. As for me, I took advantage of the open line of communication to explain my difficulty in getting together with him. He wanted to see the new countertops we’d installed. I wanted to know how he could betray his country, his friends and his own son just for the lies of a conman who spent one term in office wrecking shit, and four years out of office proving what a menace he was to all of us.

I received no reply.

I have, in fact, never heard from him since.

I think in many cases, they made their choice based on one lie or another that he spoke to them, and that's the one they went in for. And over time, I think the constant assault by the misinformation sphere has reinforced those choices to them, to convince them they are justified.

But in the end, I think it just revealed who they really are on the inside.

Sure, they were understanding of us being trans, but deep down they didn't like it. Same with the lesbian daughter who transitioned to be a son. While on the surface they claim to be tolerant, deep down they really would like for the government to just wash us away like the tide, so they never have to think about it again.

Which brings us to why Pride Month is so important.

So many mediocre straight white men believe themselves to be the pinnacle of All That Is, and feel that everyone else should be like them. By force, if necessary. So the concept that we take a month to celebrate the minority that was laughed at by Reagan in the 80s during AIDS, and mocked on Jerry Springer in the 90s for being different, and made the butt of so very many jokes while our rights were systematically denied, is inherently offensive to them.

"But I'm a straight white guy! Where's my pride month?"

You have every other fucking day of the year, asshole, so maybe sit down and pay attention while we point to the people who sacrificed so much in the effort to enable us to just exist in this hellscape of a society you are so determined to believe is so spectacular and singular and Oh So Great.

Every time someone complains about Pride Month, maybe take the time to take a shot back at them. Maybe explain how representation is important, how our rights are human rights, how demonizing our communities helps no one and harms everyone.

Or maybe take a little of your straight white privilege and put it to good use, and tell a bigot to sit down and shut up. Maybe help a trans woman find a job, because I got news for you, it's no picnic. Maybe help a struggling young gay to find their community and their place in the world. Maybe advocate for us, in a world that treats us like mutants- it fears and hates us, even though we are sworn to protect and save it for future generations.

Maybe take a moment, when Pride is denied, to point out which side of history such people are on, and see if realizing they are siding with the bad guys will change their minds.

In general, in my experience, it doesn’t change anything.

It simply leads to them slinking off to lick their wounds and harbor the grudges we weren't going to talk them out of. We can show them we are decent people, demonstrate compassion, even to our enemies, or just be living proof that the LGBTQ+ community are not their enemies.

But in the end, most of the people who line up to condemn us, ever so quietly in their heart of hearts, are just cowards. And cowards will always follow the herd, and they will never find the courage to be any better than that.

Which is why we have Pride Month- to prove to them that the injuries they cause our community, great and small, are why we have to celebrate our people. Our brave, colorful, loving people, who don’t want to wipe out anyone else to make space for us, unlike our enemies.

We just want to live freely, in a society that claims to be the most freedom-loving society in the world, yet consistently falls disappointingly short of the mark.

Happy Pride Month, folks. And to those of you this offends? Ask yourselves why. If the answer is your religion, or because you think we are predators or any number of other excuses, ask yourselves what the real reason is that LGBTQ+ people taking pride in their forebearers and their own existence bothers you so.

Because in the end, the answer is fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of the other, fear that your own perversions, faults, and insecurities can be projected onto others rather than examined within yourselves.

Frankly, you should all be better than that. Here’s a month of rainbows to think about it.